the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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