I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
