if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
