by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
