she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
should my penis look like a turkey
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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