He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
