Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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