He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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