Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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