i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There are leaves in my underwear?
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