i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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