We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
