I heard we made out
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
