Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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