90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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