I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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