all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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