what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
