so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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