I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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