ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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