she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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