Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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