the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
