Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
