So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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