Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
