This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
