hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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