his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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