I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
