he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
