Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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