So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
