My first STD was from a foam party
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
