I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
