There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
