We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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