Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
