At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
