i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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