pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
