I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
