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If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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