Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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