I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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