I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
