i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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