my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
