Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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