That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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