I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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