hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
