stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
