yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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