Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
