It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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