i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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