You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
