Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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