WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
