Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
