the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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