based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
