He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
