Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
