I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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