Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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