i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
