Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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