Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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