Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
