Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize