i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
