he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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