Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize