woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
